Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rspud's LiveJournal:

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Friday, March 11th, 2005
8:21 am	only a couple more months I only had to wait a few more months and I would have gone an entire year without posting! I'm really bad at this. I wonder why I even bother trying. I'm still waiting on the replies back from grad schools. I have two yes's and I have two schools which haven't responded. I'm hoping both get back to me with a yes. That would be nice. No matter what I'm leaving the planetarium. I'm happy to leave. If anyone needs a job sometime around July, there should be an educator opening at the Adler. Seeing as it's been so long since I've posted, I have no idea what to write. I'll just leave it at this. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 17th, 2004
11:23 am	WOW I can't stop laughing. I just read one of the funniest things ever! Sadly, I can't show it to anyone else. I can tel you that it's funny. I haven't updated in a long time. It's kind of sad. I really mean to update. I just don't seem to get around to it. Things are going well. I'm happy overall. Things are going really well with Rowenna. I'm much happier than I have ever been. My job is going alright. Things are really up and down at the Adler. I think my job is pretty secure. It should keep me employed until I leave to go back to school. I think despite any sort of complaints (no matter how large) that keeping a paycheck coming for another year is what's important. The reenacting season has started. I feel really busy between all the stuff I do. I sometimes don't feel like I have enough time to spend with my friends. I also feel like I don't have as much time to spend with Rowenna as I would like. I'm hoping to get back to Ames sometime again this summer. I had a great time when I was out there a month ago. That's a really short update, but my life is pretty boring. :) (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 8th, 2004
3:54 pm	hmmm confused... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 23rd, 2004
6:05 pm	guess who's posting! Wow, talk about taking forever to post. That new desire to keep up my journal really worked. Actually, I don't have much to post about. You'd hear lots of stuff about how much I love Rowenna. While I know she appreciates that, I'm sure everyone else would grow tired of it (I never do though). I got into some heated religious discussions at work today. Heated might be a bad word. Intense is probably better. It was basically between Joel (guard at work), Erik (a volunteer), and Jo (another volunteer). Erik and Joel started it, and I joined in when Erik went on the offensive against Joel. I sided more with Joel. All that really wasn't important I guess. The important part is what I came away with. Erik kept talking about how he needed proof of God. He had other arguments against Joel, but he mainly wanted proof. Of course the creation vs. evolution match up came out. He said that science gave him proof. He said something after that to the effect of religion is for those who like to blindly believe in something. This is the point where I jumped in. It's also where my consideration of what science is to people started. Erik kept saying that science is provable. I let that slide, but I did wonder how he came to that conclusion. I think I asked him if he ever performed any of the experiments. I'd even give it to him if he worked out the math. Other than high school stuff, he hadn't really done anything (I'm no different. I've done a grand total of 0 well thought out experiments outside of school). That forced me to wonder how many people actually try to reproduce results (actual science). I'm pretty sure the answer to that question is not very many. I'm forced to think that those who believe in science without actual experience in science have faith. I can't blame them. The modern miracles performed by science and technology are really putting organized religions to shame. I don't know exactly how antibiotics work. I do know if I go to the doctor with an ear infection he'll give me some. After taking them for a week or so, I'm all better. How could that not be a miracle? I actually posed some of these questions to Erik. He claimed that belief in science isn't another form of faith. It's because people could go out and test scientific ideas. They can't with most organized religious ideas. He had a point, but really what is the difference between could and don't and can't? If you as a person can test each and every idea (actually some aren't possible due to monetary restraints) but don't, how is that not faith? I think that only goes to further prove that people are treating science as another form of faith. If you can test but don't because you believe, my friend you have some strong faith. I don't think it stops with the uneducated. I don't think any scientist is an expert in every field in all of science. I don't think science is a new religion. Science isn't for that purpose, but I do think some people treat it as such. Belief without testing is contrary to what science is fundamentally about. I actually think this faith in science undermines both religion and science. Most scientists believe that life must exist elsewhere in our galaxy. Many scientists believe that Mars is a good candidate for life. With what testing, do these scientists base their science? This message is passed on to a public not versed in science who believe. Of course this isn't the best example, but I think it's good enough to demonstrate my point. People believe in science. They believe without doing the very thing that distinctly sets science apart from religion. They don't test the ideas. I thought further on the subject of faith. Even those who don't believe in any sort of religion, more than likely believe in something. I think the faith in science is a perfect example. My father, for instance, believes that UFO's are visiting Earth. He believes that the government is covering it up. That's fine. He can believe whatever he wants. He also feels I'm silly for believing in God. I'm forced to wonder. How is believing in God any sillier than UFO's? Is it because of the "proof" about how with so many stars there must be life. That's just rubbish. There could just as easily be no life. We don't know enough about life to intelligently say. I don't fault people for their faith in science. Like I said earlier, science has performed more miracles than religion has as of late. I'm surprised religion isn't doing worse. I guess all I'm asking is that before you criticize those who "blindly" believe in God ask yourself how many science experiments (or equation derivations)have you performed. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
1:04 pm	lost my train of thought I had this very insightful post thought up. I gained some wisdom from speaking with Jim from work. I am having trouble remembering how it happened. I'm going to try to remember. I've been thinking recently about how people are acting at work. After talking to person after person, I've realized that most people seem to have something about them which makes them so much better than every one else. One educator was telling me about how she as well as other people were certified teachers. Granted some people might have a masters, but they have some actual teaching experience. I've heard other people inform me (often mulitple times) of what kind of degree that person has. It's getting annoying. I brought it up to Jim. He said something about how it doesn't surprise him. He said something about that's how people normally act when people are worried about their jobs. I thought that made sense. That's when I realized that I do it too. It's so easy seeing faults in other people. It's very difficult to see your own. It bugged me how some people were acting. I felt it was rude and wrong. Now I'm faced with knowing I do the same thing. This probably seems really silly. I'm reminded of a Bible passage about remarking about something someone has in his or her eye while having a plank in my own. There is some very true wisdom there. I don't think I can completely ever know all of my faults. How then can I in good conscience comment either to someone or about someone? I think that's enough guilt for one day. I just need to make sure to keep my nose clean (thanks Mom for that bit of good advice). Things have been going about the same for me. If you couldn't tell, I really don't have much in the way of exciting stuff happening. I am starting to get really excited for the reenacting season to begin. There are a couple of people I'd like to take to an event this year. Hopefully I can get them as excited to go as I am for the whole season to start. I guess that's about it for today. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 5th, 2004
1:44 pm	another day The past week has been pretty standard. I go to work. I come home, and I sleep. I seem to live for the weekends. I guess that's what it is like to have a job. When I was at school, I felt like I was working towards something (granted I did very little work but still). Since I have started working, I don't feel like I have any goal in mind. I want to save money. I want to start my life, but I don't feel like I'm going in that direction. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. I know I'm going to land. I'm just waiting for the right time. It kind of sucks. I want to have some sort of direction. This is an odd feeling for me. I usually feel rushed along my path. I never feel like I get enough time to truly enjoy where I am at. Now, I feel like I'm waiting around. I need to make up my mind! Things in Chicago aren't all gloomy. Rowenna has become a very large part of my life. I'm happy for that. I miss Ames, but I know I would have never started dating her had I gone back. I'm glad I didn't go back to Ames. Plus, it's not Ames that I miss. It's the past five years that I miss. I do a lot of complaining in my journal. I think, to me, that is what this is for. I guess I also comment on recent events in my life. It's a good way for me to both vent my frustrations and keep people posted about what's new with me. All that's new lately is just more of the same old stuff. I do enjoy living at home. There are the things that suck about it. Lack of privacy, no real space to entertain, rules that are not of my own making (their house--their rules--I truly believe that), and little other things that aren't coming to mind. I can't really think of much more to say. I'm sure I'll have more in a week. :) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
10:35 am	another day I'm trying to update this on a semi regular basis. I guess it's been less than a couple of months. That's at least a small victory. Things have been going fairly well for me lately. I have been pretty excited by all of this snow we got. I'm also happy that Stevo made it out east safely. I was worried about the snow he would hit. This past weekend with Stevo was great. Sadly, it reminded how much I miss Ames. It was weird hanging out with Stevo at my folk's house. I'm more used to seeing him at his apartment, my apartment, the maclab, Godfathers, the physics club room, or anywhere else in Ames. I miss parts of the life I had in Ames. I can't wait to go back to school. I know it'll be different, but I still can't wait. This weekend I'm going to visit Rowenna. The only problem is Dan. He called me yesterday to tell me that he'll be coming up to the area over this weekend. I already put off seeing Rowenna one week. I really don't want to do it again. I won't do it again, but I haven't seen Dan since November. The guy is one of my best friends. I have to work something out. I wouldn't mind flying to Florida to see him. I hope he moves back to Chicago, but I doubt that'll happen anytime soon. After I get everything worked out with Dan, I'm going to really enjoy spending a weekend with Rowenna. I haven't seen her in almost three weeks. I know she's very eager to see me too. Going back over what I've written, I'm noticing that I really like to dwell on the past. I never get to spend as much time as I would like in one place. Ever since I was a kid, I've moved what seems like every four years to a new environment. I spent more time in Ames than I did almost anywhere else. That has to factor somehow into my desire to find a place I like and just stay there. It almost always seems like I move just when I finally get comfortable. I spend about a year truly enjoying my new environment and forgetting my past one. After that year, it's time to move on again. I'm hoping that the move after next will be close to my final one. Look at this! I wrote quite a bit today. Since I wrote primarily about my feelings. I can assume Stevo will continue to find my journal entries very feminine, but at least I started writing again. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
12:30 pm	let's try again It's been quite a long time since I've written. I have a lot on my plate, and the loss of high speed internet certainly doesn't help much. I'm going to try to again write frequently. Let's see how far I get. Hopefully, I won't stop writing. What's new in my life? I got a raise at work. Most people ended up getting a raise. It's not that big of a deal, but I think it was my first raise. Look at that! I'm living at home again. It's not bad. I truly enjoy being with my family, but at times, I wish I had my own place again. I can't beat the rent either. Rowenna and I couldn't be better. Things are really working out well. I've decided to go back to graduate school. My plan is to go back in the fall of 05. That seems like such a long time away, but considering I need to take the GRE's this fall and start applying then, I don't have all that much time to wait. I'm really enjoying my work. Some days are much worse than others, but overall I really do enjoy the Adler. Depending upon where I go for grad school, I'll be sad to leave. It's still winter. I'm really eager for the reenacting season to start. I have a lot of stuff I need to finish before I'm ready to start. I guess it's good that I have a lot of time, but I think I'd rather not have all the stuff I want and just start. I think that's about it. I'm going to try to keep up my journal this time. Hopefully, I can. (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 29th, 2003
6:45 am	it's been a long time It's been a long time since I've written in my journal. My life has had some ups and some downs. I don't feel like typing them out. I guess I'll keep them to myself this time. I just felt like I really needed to write something. I really did need to write something. On the plus side, I doubt anyone reads my journal anymore (not much in the way of new material). That means I can write about anything I want! I'm thinking about Ames this next weekend. I'd probably be leaving exactly a week from today. I might leave on Friday night. I guess I haven't decided yet. I should probably start letting people know that I plan on coming. It's a good idea to find places to stay. I don't doubt that I'll find places. Work has been sucking it up lately. That's the main reason why I've had trouble getting back to Ames. I'm moving out of my apartment. I'll be completely out by Sunday. That's no good because I don't want to move back home. I'll probably stay there until I make a decision about grad school. I don't have to worry about breaking lease at home. :) I think that's about it for journal updates. I'll make sure I really do try to keep up. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
6:57 pm	where is my countdown at again? This weekend was great! I'm sad that Danville was the last event. It was such a good event though. I am happy that the season ended well. Danville was a good event, but the weekend had both high points and low points. I got talked into being field commander. Being only 22, I had to deal with a middle aged man that didn't want to listen to a kid. He disobeyed 90% of the orders I gave him. He also disobeyed an order I gave which resulted in a huge safety hazard. He blamed me for it, but that's okay. I know he's an idiot. Dealing with him were the low points. The high points were many. Rowenna simply made the weekend for me. Lots of other good things happened, but they were just icing on the cake. Rowenna was there at camp helping out. She was right by my side trying to calm me down after dealing with Greg (the middle aged asshole of a man). She kept me company in the evening hours. She made me laugh more times than I swore at Greg (if you can believe that). Saturday night four of us played whist in a tavern listening to a unit of overweight scots singing. Sunday morning I was blessed. I performed the service for the Continental Church Parade. I was very very nervous before I gave the service (I was informed of my duty 20 minutes before having to give it). What finally calmed me was what Rowenna said to me. She said to me something about how God never calls anyone to do something that they can't do. She was right. I didn't give a terrible service. I made a few mistakes, but I had many people compliment me on my service. I don't think I was the one who made the service a success. I was and am grateful for the opportunity to share with others my faith in Christ. The final battle on Sunday was awesome! I put the guns right where the crews like them. I had the infantry units on the flanks, and I had one infantry unit sweep around back to surround the Brits. The entire line moved up together (minus an exception). I really enjoyed watching it from behind. I gave some orders, but mainly I just watched. Overall, Danville was a great event. I'm kind of sad it's over. At least I can look forward to the weekend of the 18th. I think I might just bring my clothes with me. I don't think Rowenna and I have actually spent much time together wearing our normal clothes. I may not know how to act! :) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
9:16 pm	one small light in darkness I'm wondering if I wouldn't have been better off staying in Ames. Don't get me wrong. I really enjoy working at the Adler. I tried really hard to get back there, but I think I came to Chicago for the wrong reasons. One reason was to be near Alison. Obviously that one turned out to be a wrong reason. Another reason was actually to make good on a promise I made to Dan. Now Dan is moving to Florida. So it seems like some of my reasons for coming to Chicago turned out to be bad ones. I'm actually happy to be back in the Chicagoland area. I miss my life and friends from Ames terribly, but I'm happy where i am at right now. I wonder. If Alison had told me that she was going to dump me during the summer and Dan told me he only planned to live with me for a few months in May, would I have made the same decision? I am almost positive that I would be in Ames right now struggling with graduate school. I probably would not have gotten my degree, or I would have gotten by but just barely. I wouldn't be dating Rowenna right now. I wouldn't have a new car. I wouldn't have the experience I am having right now. I would have made one of the biggest mistakes of my life if I chose to stay in Ames. Moving was what I needed to do. I just did it for the wrong reasons. I should thank Dan and Alison. Even if why I moved was wrong, the result was still right. It looks like I'm in the market for a new place. Does anyone know of someone who needs a place in Crestwood? (Comment on this)
6:24 pm	almost done counting There are only 2 days left!!! Oh, I can't wait! The next count is at 16, but that might be jumping the gun a little bit. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 27th, 2003
2:52 pm	can you say 6 days left Only six days left!!! I'm very excited about that. Danville is the last event of the season. That's just sad, but I cant' wait to get there. More importantly, I miss Rowenna. We talk a lot, but it's not the same as seeing the person. We spent both of the previous weekends together. I'm counting down the days until we can spend another weekend together. I have more that I want to say about her, but I don't know how to word it. Everything comes out sounding silly. I think that Rowenna and I are good together. I look forward to what our future will bring. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 26th, 2003
5:32 am	still counting Only 7 days left!!!! That's a week! I can't wait, but after it's all over, I'll be sad again. I don't even want to start counting from there. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 25th, 2003
8:49 am	still counting 8 days and counting (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
7:37 pm	yea!! 9 days and counting (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
8:35 pm	okay okay i know i'm a dork A small part of my own personal history is now hanging in my room. I hung up my horsie shirt. I don't know if anyone that reads this remembers (or for that matter ever knew about) the horsie shirt, but it represents (rather well I might add) a huge portion of my life. The horsie shirt was my attempt at looking stylish when I was a senior at Shepard into my first year or two at ISU. It's a button up shirt my grandmother made for my father. I saw it, and I decided to take it. Thad convinced me it was a pretty cool looking shirt. I wore it swing dancing when I first started. This is well before the WWII uniforms. In fact, I think I wore it the last time I didn't dress in a WWII uniform. Alison was the one that finally convinced me that the horsie shirt was not only not cool, but it is in fact very very ugly. Now it is hanging proudly in my room! I came close to throwing it away when I moved from Ames, but Nathan stopped me (thankfully). How could I throw away such history?!? I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not even sure I know what I'm thinking now, but I kind of like it hanging there. I also hung some pictures of myself in my room. I hung the picture of me in my Continental Marine Ensigns uniform. I'm walking across the field at Danville. Rowenna is actually in this picture (the only picture I have of her). The other picture I hung up is the one Thad took of me at Willowbrook in my Air Corp uniform. He took it as part of his photography class. Neither of these are my pictures, but I think they capture me the best. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me. I really really like pictures hanging from my wall. I'm going to start taking and framing more. I need family and friends up on my wall too. (Comment on this)
6:52 pm	what is and what is not a sport I have often thought that the title of sport was more arbitrary than anything else. Today at work we sat down and defined what exactly a sport is. We decided that a sport has two critical characteristics. A sport must have both direct competition and physical exertion. Something which has only direct competition is a game. Something that has only physical exertion is an activity. Some activities have a type of competition, but it isn't direct. Those are competitive activities. Swimming, running, pretty much most of the olympic events are competitive activities. We sat there and debated whether or not something should be a sport of an activity. It was quite the entertaining lunch. That's pretty much the only exciting thing that happened to me today. Happily there is only 10 days remaining. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 22nd, 2003
2:39 pm	writing I found that when writing my entries I tend to censor them. I don't want to do that anymore. What good is having a journal if you can't be honest and open. If I do write something that I don't want anyone reading, I'll just set it to private. I spent all day Friday on the road. Traffic out of the city was horrible. It took me 3hrs to go what should have taken less than one. Rowenna felt terrible. I didn't want her to feel bad. She had no control over the traffic or of when I left. I managed to make my way to Bloomington, but it took a little longer than I had hoped. I was running 93 for a short bit down I-65. The scary thing is that I wasn't the fastest person on the road. Even driving so fast, I didn't make up much lost time at all. I just had to accept the fact that I was going to be very very late. Once I made it to Bloomington, my weekend was great (even though sleeping with a cloak and great coat with a temp in the 40's doesn't keep a person warm)! We had lots of cannon demos. I liked that. I just love reenactments. They always put in me in a good mood for the rest of the week. This was a good weekend. I CAN'T WAIT FOR DANVILLE!!! I just kind of wish that I had more driving to do for Danville. :) (Comment on this)
2:05 pm	a great weekend It's been a week officially now. Wow! I know a week isn't much, but everything has to start somewhere. Rome wasn't built in a day. Those cliches have to be on to something. You don't become a cliche by being wrong. I think Rowenna and I are off to a good start. I think things will only get better. This weekend was great! I drove somewhere around 800 miles, but it was worth it. I also froze my butt off Friday night, but it was worth it. I'm not sure I want to go back to Warsaw. The company I had this weekend would make even the worst of weekends better. (Comment on this)